I can't imagine where the last 13 days have gone! Yes, it has been 13 days since I last wrote and I cannot believe I've stayed away that long! There are days when I really look forward to sitting down at night to write this. Sometimes I write and re-write, in my head, what I want to share as I go about my day. But I honestly cannot even tell you what I've been doing the last 13 days that have kept me from this blog! My computer was in the "hospital" for a 4 day weekend, so that makes a big difference. Other than life as a wife, mom, social worker, marriage and family counselor, and newly recruited Avon Representative, I haven't had anything "new" to keep me from writing.
Well here I am, and the good news is all of my boys are in their respective cribs/beds tonight for the first time since we brought the twin babies home from the hospital in March! There are no babies sleeping in my room tonight! Yeah! I am hoping that I will get a solid night's sleep. Of course my super-sonic mom hearing will be in effect and I will just have to deal with that, but it's different having them in another room...good different.
And so, with the wee ones tucked in their beds and my husband sleeping peacefully beside me I bid you "good-night" and look forward to a few more moments to share with you, at the dawn of a new day!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Self-Care and other Lofty Goals
I woke up with a sore throat and a pressure headache-'tis the season for sinus trouble! It has been a crazy week with working both of my jobs, preparing for Bobby's birthday party (which was Saturday) and trying to take advantage of the beautiful weather before it's gone! My boys would be outside every day for hours if they could. They are so relaxed and content when we go on walks or just sit outside under the big shade tree in our front yard. They love it. So, I've made every effort to get them out in it. Of course, it works for me too because I love the sunshine.
Well, this morning I did not let a little sinus pressure keep me down. We took our baby boys for their 6-month check-up complete with shots (I didn't cry this time) then came home. After that "trauma" the babies and I laid down to try and nap but with their sore little legs, their sore gums because they are both teething, and Bobby's refusal to take a decent nap (day 4 and counting) I did not sleep. I felt worse after TRYING to nap than I had before the attempt. Ah-well.
The only thing to do at this point was to go for a ride. We, Pete and I, decided to try and make the most of the outing so he would be doing some school work while we walked. We would be walking to and from different stores where I needed to return some things as well as pick some things up for the kids.
As I was working to get all the boys fed and ready to head out for our ride I realized it was around 2pm and I hadn't eaten since 8am! In all the hustle and bustle I forgot myself. This is not an uncommon occurrence, I must admit. My boys are typically cleaner, fuller and more well-rested than I am. I also understand that that is the way it is as a parent, a good parent anyway, that your children's needs come first. I believe it to be true and have been known to say that one cannot be selfish and be a good spouse or parent. Though I am not perfect and am at times selfish, I can err on the opposite end of that spectrum as well. In other words, it is just as important to practice self-care as it is self-denial.
I ate before we left. And I made sure I ate dinner when we returned, only after the boys had been fed and put to bed. As I sit here reflecting on this day and the past week or two I realize that I have really put myself and my self-care projects on the back burner. Things have just gotten so busy (but aren't we always busy?) that I haven't been remembering to exercise or read. In the last week I have maybe read 5 pages. Reading was something I just remarked on in a previous post, about how much I am enjoying it, and here I am neglecting it.
I know that it will be important as my boys grow to model for them a well-balanced life and I have some work to do before I can display that. Today, I find myself having to take another look at my life and to do the work of reorganizing time and priorities. Another important step for me in this is to bring it to you, to remain accountable for doing what I say I will do.
While I would continue to write this blog whether you were reading it or not, it is certainly meaningful to me to share milestones and memories, my inconsistancies and insights with you. You, my witness and unspoken partner in this wonderful blooming process.
I am ready to end my day, dealing with the same pressure headache and sore throat I woke up with, but with a deep sense of calm and resolve that I did not have this morning.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Home-made
I'm thinking a lot about my baby brother today. Jeannine, if you're reading this, God bless you for what you're going through right now. He is out of the country training with the military and will be gone for a month. I called him the day before he left and was choked up. I haven't seen him in months and months and was saying goodbye to him over the phone. It didn't seem right. I wanted a hug, a face-to-face conversation. I missed him more at that moment than I maybe ever have.
I'm finding it more and more difficult as we add to our family and as our children grow, to be away from family. It pulls at my heart in a way that I cannot explain. I know that Pete and the boys are my family and my first priority. However, the way I grew up aunts, uncles and cousins were close by to celebrate birthdays, spend weekends with, share meals and make it to events like summer soccer games or music recitals. In the world I grew up in family was a large number of people that were closely related to you by blood, birth or legal adoption. In the world I currently live in, family is something that you create, not something you are born into. We have added to our family not only through the birth of our children but by way of a dog named Molly, and a friend who is honorary "Aunt" to our children and who lives up to the title by taking such good care of them.
These dear additions have not replaced the family geographically distant, but have been added to it.
In the world I grew up in church was an extension of the family as well. As a child it was hard to get away with anything because you would get in trouble with anyone's parents, not just your own! I would like that kind of support and stability for my children too. It was a community that cared for one another and helped to not only meet physical needs but to share, teach and love. I appreciate the stability of the world I grew up in. Even though the "world" beyond my hometown was tumultuous, I was held steady by the strength of those around me.
I don't want to mislead anyone into thinking my childhood/formative years were idyllic or free of any trouble. My 9th year of life was provided with a crash course in complicated grief and dealing with the death of a loved one. The years brought sickness, car accidents, friends moving away and other things that proved difficult to live through and endure. However, with family (+the extended family) surrounding me, even the difficult times seemed to be more manageable.
I know that God provides. I've seen it in my life many times. So as I sit here contemplating the family I have scattered about the United States (and the world) tonight, I am thankful for a God who knows what is weighing on my heart. He is with that baby brother of mine when I cannot be (and always is). He knows my needs before I speak them and understands how to respond better than I know how to ask. He is the Builder of my family and the Maker of my home.
I'm finding it more and more difficult as we add to our family and as our children grow, to be away from family. It pulls at my heart in a way that I cannot explain. I know that Pete and the boys are my family and my first priority. However, the way I grew up aunts, uncles and cousins were close by to celebrate birthdays, spend weekends with, share meals and make it to events like summer soccer games or music recitals. In the world I grew up in family was a large number of people that were closely related to you by blood, birth or legal adoption. In the world I currently live in, family is something that you create, not something you are born into. We have added to our family not only through the birth of our children but by way of a dog named Molly, and a friend who is honorary "Aunt" to our children and who lives up to the title by taking such good care of them.
These dear additions have not replaced the family geographically distant, but have been added to it.
In the world I grew up in church was an extension of the family as well. As a child it was hard to get away with anything because you would get in trouble with anyone's parents, not just your own! I would like that kind of support and stability for my children too. It was a community that cared for one another and helped to not only meet physical needs but to share, teach and love. I appreciate the stability of the world I grew up in. Even though the "world" beyond my hometown was tumultuous, I was held steady by the strength of those around me.
I don't want to mislead anyone into thinking my childhood/formative years were idyllic or free of any trouble. My 9th year of life was provided with a crash course in complicated grief and dealing with the death of a loved one. The years brought sickness, car accidents, friends moving away and other things that proved difficult to live through and endure. However, with family (+the extended family) surrounding me, even the difficult times seemed to be more manageable.
I know that God provides. I've seen it in my life many times. So as I sit here contemplating the family I have scattered about the United States (and the world) tonight, I am thankful for a God who knows what is weighing on my heart. He is with that baby brother of mine when I cannot be (and always is). He knows my needs before I speak them and understands how to respond better than I know how to ask. He is the Builder of my family and the Maker of my home.
The Power of Words
We had the pleasure of hosting my parents for a quick few days after they spent some time with their newest grandchild, the beautiful Lillian, in New Jersey. It is always nice to catch up, share time with them and just to see them enjoy their grandchildren.
Of course the children are our main topic of conversation. I filled my mom in on all of the amazing things our two-year old (he'll be two on Friday!) can say and do; shared our attempts at beginning potty training (initiated by Bobby himself) and the trials of tummy time for the six-month old twins (they aren't often fond of it).
In the course of this conversation we landed on the topic of dealing with the tantrums that are common with the "trying two's". I expressed that I am trying to remain calm and patient in the midst of all the challenges of parenting a child through the trying twos. In the midst of my frustration I do not want to use words that would discourage, belittle or attempt to guilt my little one. I've written before about my commitment to choosing life-giving words that would inspire and encourage. (I'm not perfect at this, trust me).
As I reflected on this conversation throughout this past week a memory came to my mind and the thought of it just created a knot in my stomach. It is a perfect illustration of the power of words.
When I was living in Michigan with my parents years ago, I did a lot of babysitting. One of the families I babysat for was a combined family of two previously married individuals. Each had children from previous marriages and they had just added a daughter to the family from their union. This wife liked to talk. She talked with me a lot before and after the time I was there to watch the children. She would talk with me as if we were friends or peers even though we were neither.
When I first started working with this family I would drive up to the house and think, 'what a beautiful house'. It was a two story house, not too big, not too small, on a quiet street not far from the water. I thought it was ideal, the location, the wooden porch, the sweet shutters on the windows. Just so homey.
The husband was a quiet man. I thought he was handsome and kind. He seemed to love his wife, and even like her-wanting to be around her, telling her how beautiful/smart/fun she was and listening to what she wanted to do for their nights-out together.
The kids were sweet overall, though they presented their own challenges, especially with parental-imposed rules that excluded sweets from the evening menu and television from the entertainment. We stayed busy with games, reading and even playing some musical instruments.
Without fail, after each visit, the wife would come in and talk to me at length. It didn't take me long to notice the negative direction of our conversation. Not only that, but most of the negativity was directed at her husband. It did not matter if he was out of the house, in the next room or sitting right in front of us, she had a critical remark for him. She complained about his memory (or lack-thereof as she perceived it); she complained about how he did the dishes, or if he didn't do them; she commented on his appearance and what he chose to wear on their nights out; she frowned at his attempts to flatter her, and rolled her eyes when he shared an idea.
As I contemplated these memories I realized that over the course of time I too had begun to find fault with this man. He was too short. His "sweetness" was kind of annoying. His tennis shoes made him seem older than he was. Eventually, I became more annoyed with the children and the wife herself as well. Soon, I dreaded driving down that bumpy road to that old house with the cracked shutters and wooden porch in desperate need of staining.
In retrospect it seems to me that all of the wife's griping, belittling and complaining about her husband made him seem small and unattractive; it made the environment and actual house uninviting at best. It is no wonder that just a year or two after I stopped working with them this couple split and divorced. How tragic, really. Do I think that it was the power of her words that caused the marriage to break apart? Not singularly, but I do believe it had a profound effect on the health of that marriage.
It still causes me to have a sinking feeling in my stomach when I think about sitting with her in the kitchen as she looked down her nose at him and uttered a belittling remark, and to remember the defeated look on his face...
I've said before that I had determined NOT to be the wife who complained about her husband to others and I want to add that I also try not to be the wife that complains to and/or at her husband as well. If I have a concern or frustration (with him or otherwise) I try to present it in the least offensive way. I don't want him to feel he has to defend himself against me from the word go. Conversation is productive. Complaining doesn't accomplish anything.
With her words I believe a wife can encourage her husband to be the best he can be. I hope that Pete would say that my support encourages him to be a better man. Do I always agree with him or feel inspired to be that supportive person? No, but that's what love does: it builds up, it speaks life.
So, I will endeavor to love my husband well with conversation, praising his strengths, encouraging him in those areas where he struggles and choosing respectful words.
Do you complain to your spouse? How could criticism be turned into productive conversation?
Of course the children are our main topic of conversation. I filled my mom in on all of the amazing things our two-year old (he'll be two on Friday!) can say and do; shared our attempts at beginning potty training (initiated by Bobby himself) and the trials of tummy time for the six-month old twins (they aren't often fond of it).
In the course of this conversation we landed on the topic of dealing with the tantrums that are common with the "trying two's". I expressed that I am trying to remain calm and patient in the midst of all the challenges of parenting a child through the trying twos. In the midst of my frustration I do not want to use words that would discourage, belittle or attempt to guilt my little one. I've written before about my commitment to choosing life-giving words that would inspire and encourage. (I'm not perfect at this, trust me).
As I reflected on this conversation throughout this past week a memory came to my mind and the thought of it just created a knot in my stomach. It is a perfect illustration of the power of words.
When I was living in Michigan with my parents years ago, I did a lot of babysitting. One of the families I babysat for was a combined family of two previously married individuals. Each had children from previous marriages and they had just added a daughter to the family from their union. This wife liked to talk. She talked with me a lot before and after the time I was there to watch the children. She would talk with me as if we were friends or peers even though we were neither.
When I first started working with this family I would drive up to the house and think, 'what a beautiful house'. It was a two story house, not too big, not too small, on a quiet street not far from the water. I thought it was ideal, the location, the wooden porch, the sweet shutters on the windows. Just so homey.
The husband was a quiet man. I thought he was handsome and kind. He seemed to love his wife, and even like her-wanting to be around her, telling her how beautiful/smart/fun she was and listening to what she wanted to do for their nights-out together.
The kids were sweet overall, though they presented their own challenges, especially with parental-imposed rules that excluded sweets from the evening menu and television from the entertainment. We stayed busy with games, reading and even playing some musical instruments.
Without fail, after each visit, the wife would come in and talk to me at length. It didn't take me long to notice the negative direction of our conversation. Not only that, but most of the negativity was directed at her husband. It did not matter if he was out of the house, in the next room or sitting right in front of us, she had a critical remark for him. She complained about his memory (or lack-thereof as she perceived it); she complained about how he did the dishes, or if he didn't do them; she commented on his appearance and what he chose to wear on their nights out; she frowned at his attempts to flatter her, and rolled her eyes when he shared an idea.
As I contemplated these memories I realized that over the course of time I too had begun to find fault with this man. He was too short. His "sweetness" was kind of annoying. His tennis shoes made him seem older than he was. Eventually, I became more annoyed with the children and the wife herself as well. Soon, I dreaded driving down that bumpy road to that old house with the cracked shutters and wooden porch in desperate need of staining.
In retrospect it seems to me that all of the wife's griping, belittling and complaining about her husband made him seem small and unattractive; it made the environment and actual house uninviting at best. It is no wonder that just a year or two after I stopped working with them this couple split and divorced. How tragic, really. Do I think that it was the power of her words that caused the marriage to break apart? Not singularly, but I do believe it had a profound effect on the health of that marriage.
It still causes me to have a sinking feeling in my stomach when I think about sitting with her in the kitchen as she looked down her nose at him and uttered a belittling remark, and to remember the defeated look on his face...
I've said before that I had determined NOT to be the wife who complained about her husband to others and I want to add that I also try not to be the wife that complains to and/or at her husband as well. If I have a concern or frustration (with him or otherwise) I try to present it in the least offensive way. I don't want him to feel he has to defend himself against me from the word go. Conversation is productive. Complaining doesn't accomplish anything.
With her words I believe a wife can encourage her husband to be the best he can be. I hope that Pete would say that my support encourages him to be a better man. Do I always agree with him or feel inspired to be that supportive person? No, but that's what love does: it builds up, it speaks life.
So, I will endeavor to love my husband well with conversation, praising his strengths, encouraging him in those areas where he struggles and choosing respectful words.
Do you complain to your spouse? How could criticism be turned into productive conversation?
Friday, September 30, 2011
Computer Viruses and Marriage Counseling for the Single Person
I have to admit I'm a little thrown off here. My computer acquired a virus. I'm not certain WHEN said virus was acquired but my computer has been giving me some trouble for over two weeks now. For the last two days I have been unable to even "get on". So, I had to take the poor little thing to the computer hospital today to get fixed. I'm using Pete's computer and it doesn't have the same feel as mine does. It's not a bad computer. But, it's not mine. Know what I mean?
Enough about my computer woes...
How have you been? I've been very busy but have not neglected the Wii in keeping with my exercise regimen. I've also noticed that when I am not at work I eat better. While I forgot to eat until later this afternoon today, what I did eat today was pretty good for me. My dear husband came home and made a tasty steak dinner for my parents and I. He's quite an amazing man-leaving for work at 5 a.m., working until 5:30 p.m., then home to make dinner...what did I do to deserve such a man?!
I am a medical social worker by day and a marriage counselor by night. The latter is the role that truly suits me. I have so much passion for the work and find myself really investing in my couples. I have hope for each couple; hope that they can deal with what they need to and that their marriage will be better than they ever thought it could be. As long as everyone is committed to making things better, it will be better.
And here's a bit of free advise for the single reader: there are things you can do now to build into your future marriage. The first is decide what kind of spouse you want to be. One of the biggies for me while I was single (and I was single until I was 32), was the determination NOT to be one of the wives that complained about her spouse. Complaining about your spouse only serves to deepen any rift in your relationship. It's disrespectful and destructive. As I wrote in my last blog, I try to watch my words and choose words that will be constructive and encouraging. If I have an issue with my husband I go to him. It's okay to talk with a close friend about issues that are being dealt with, but putting the blame on him and labeling him is destructive.
Secondly, learn to take responsibility. We all make mistakes/blunders/faux pas. We are all wrong at times. Own it. Suck it up. Pride is destructive. If we are proud then we are constantly defending that pride. When two people are on the defensive it's really hard to find common ground, nearly impossible to move forward. So, learn to own your stuff now. That will make it much easier to do when you are in the most important relationship of your life. This has been difficult for me to live out at times. I'm human, I want to be right! But if I know I'm not right, what's the point in defending myself? I want to stay connected to my spouse and defending a mistake is a waste of everyone's time and energy and counterproductive to connection. It has a profound impact on me when my husband admits he's wrong (and does so often without me even having to bring it up). It deepens my respect for him and my trust in him. It also encourages me to be responsible when I need to be.
And finally, to the single person seeking to meet that special someone: get to know yourself. In my single years I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I am a very particular person. This is not in and of itself a bad thing, but anyone with a roommate knows you don't always get your way in a living situation. One of the things I did in effort to "bend" was practicing not caring what way the toilet paper was on the holder, over or under, even though I STRONGLY preferred over and yes, was agitated a bit if the paper ended up under. But it was a simple exercise meant to serve a greater purpose. I wanted to become more at ease with differing opinions and lifestyles. Living with roommates and making it an amiable situation is also good "practice".
I also learned a lot about how I give and receive love. I highly recommend the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Communication is a biggie in any relationship and understanding how you yourself communicate love will be HUGE in your relationship. I work with my couples on this 9 times out of 10. It's often clear that they love each other, they just aren't getting the message. It was important for me to learn these things about myself and is important for everyone, in my opinion. It helps to avoid setting unrealistic expectations for your spouse if you understand the way love is communicated by each of you.
And a p.s. on all this talk about being single and seeking a relationship: ENJOY being single. Five and 1/2 years of marriage and three boys later, I don't remember what it was like to just jump in the car and go to the book store to sip a coffee while browsing the "new in paperback" section. It sounds dreamy though :) I wouldn't trade a MINUTE of my married life, but do wish I had allowed myself to savor more of those moments while I was single, even in the midst of that deep desire to share my life with someone.
These are all things that, if you didn't learn while you were single you can start practicing now to improve your marriage. Practice being respectful and choosing words that would build up your spouse, learn to take responsibility for your part of the problem, learn one other's communication style as it pertains to giving and receiving love. I am not a perfect person but I do endeavor to be a loving and respectful wife to my husband who I adore. I try to live these things.
And now, out of respect for Pete and for the love and care of my children, I endeavor to learn to care for myself better. If exercising, eating better, creating space for quiet time, talking more with God can prolong my life or even enhance my wellness now, then I want to be doing it. Creating, growing, blooming...
What steps will you take to improve your relationship and enhance your "wellness" now?
Enough about my computer woes...
How have you been? I've been very busy but have not neglected the Wii in keeping with my exercise regimen. I've also noticed that when I am not at work I eat better. While I forgot to eat until later this afternoon today, what I did eat today was pretty good for me. My dear husband came home and made a tasty steak dinner for my parents and I. He's quite an amazing man-leaving for work at 5 a.m., working until 5:30 p.m., then home to make dinner...what did I do to deserve such a man?!
I am a medical social worker by day and a marriage counselor by night. The latter is the role that truly suits me. I have so much passion for the work and find myself really investing in my couples. I have hope for each couple; hope that they can deal with what they need to and that their marriage will be better than they ever thought it could be. As long as everyone is committed to making things better, it will be better.
And here's a bit of free advise for the single reader: there are things you can do now to build into your future marriage. The first is decide what kind of spouse you want to be. One of the biggies for me while I was single (and I was single until I was 32), was the determination NOT to be one of the wives that complained about her spouse. Complaining about your spouse only serves to deepen any rift in your relationship. It's disrespectful and destructive. As I wrote in my last blog, I try to watch my words and choose words that will be constructive and encouraging. If I have an issue with my husband I go to him. It's okay to talk with a close friend about issues that are being dealt with, but putting the blame on him and labeling him is destructive.
Secondly, learn to take responsibility. We all make mistakes/blunders/faux pas. We are all wrong at times. Own it. Suck it up. Pride is destructive. If we are proud then we are constantly defending that pride. When two people are on the defensive it's really hard to find common ground, nearly impossible to move forward. So, learn to own your stuff now. That will make it much easier to do when you are in the most important relationship of your life. This has been difficult for me to live out at times. I'm human, I want to be right! But if I know I'm not right, what's the point in defending myself? I want to stay connected to my spouse and defending a mistake is a waste of everyone's time and energy and counterproductive to connection. It has a profound impact on me when my husband admits he's wrong (and does so often without me even having to bring it up). It deepens my respect for him and my trust in him. It also encourages me to be responsible when I need to be.
And finally, to the single person seeking to meet that special someone: get to know yourself. In my single years I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I am a very particular person. This is not in and of itself a bad thing, but anyone with a roommate knows you don't always get your way in a living situation. One of the things I did in effort to "bend" was practicing not caring what way the toilet paper was on the holder, over or under, even though I STRONGLY preferred over and yes, was agitated a bit if the paper ended up under. But it was a simple exercise meant to serve a greater purpose. I wanted to become more at ease with differing opinions and lifestyles. Living with roommates and making it an amiable situation is also good "practice".
I also learned a lot about how I give and receive love. I highly recommend the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Communication is a biggie in any relationship and understanding how you yourself communicate love will be HUGE in your relationship. I work with my couples on this 9 times out of 10. It's often clear that they love each other, they just aren't getting the message. It was important for me to learn these things about myself and is important for everyone, in my opinion. It helps to avoid setting unrealistic expectations for your spouse if you understand the way love is communicated by each of you.
And a p.s. on all this talk about being single and seeking a relationship: ENJOY being single. Five and 1/2 years of marriage and three boys later, I don't remember what it was like to just jump in the car and go to the book store to sip a coffee while browsing the "new in paperback" section. It sounds dreamy though :) I wouldn't trade a MINUTE of my married life, but do wish I had allowed myself to savor more of those moments while I was single, even in the midst of that deep desire to share my life with someone.
These are all things that, if you didn't learn while you were single you can start practicing now to improve your marriage. Practice being respectful and choosing words that would build up your spouse, learn to take responsibility for your part of the problem, learn one other's communication style as it pertains to giving and receiving love. I am not a perfect person but I do endeavor to be a loving and respectful wife to my husband who I adore. I try to live these things.
And now, out of respect for Pete and for the love and care of my children, I endeavor to learn to care for myself better. If exercising, eating better, creating space for quiet time, talking more with God can prolong my life or even enhance my wellness now, then I want to be doing it. Creating, growing, blooming...
What steps will you take to improve your relationship and enhance your "wellness" now?
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Um...Update
I recently reread my very first post and realized that I have not done all that I said that I would. My initial intention was to try new things, especially as it pertained to diet and exercise, and to share the results with you. While I have been trying new things and hinting about these things in my posts I have not out-and-out updated. So, I will sum up my progress to date.
My Wii fit age, if you will remember from almost 3 weeks ago, was 47. I have since been working out 3 days a week with Wii fit, doing yoga and some aerobics and as of today my Wii fit age is now 37! That means my body is getting stronger, not that I have lost any weight, because I haven't.
Exercising with the Wii has been my most consistent and effective change to date. This is my strong point.
Weakness #1-food. I tend to eat what I want, when I want. Which would be cookies and all the time. Okay, maybe not all cookies all the time, but sometimes it seems like it! I have an insatiable sweet tooth and that is my downfall when it comes to eating.
Weakness #2-meditation/prayer/quiet time. I am finding that the few minutes I may have to myself in the bathroom is where I pause to think, pray, read an inspirational passage, etc. (I emphasize "may have" because days can go by without time alone even in the bathroom. Bobby knocks on the door saying, "Hi. Hi. Mom. Hi." which warms my heart but is counterproductive to quiet time).
I have been doing some reading that I enjoy, usually at night when all my guys are asleep and I am awake (don't know why I can't go right to sleep too!) or for a few minutes on a day off from work. This is just a nice way to relax for a few minutes, to slip into a story and allow imagination to transport me. Yes, I am truly enjoying reading.
The result of all of these efforts and observations have been: some improvement in the quality of the time I spend with those around me-making more effort to be in the moment; becoming more aware of what I am eating and realizing the dire need for a change (my blood sugar has been controlled very well with the new medication, by the way); making the most of any down time to relax or just enjoy 'being'; and really enjoying regular exercise (I feel SO GOOD after yoga!).
So, that is it in a nutshell. The above is most likely packed with run-on sentences and could have been simply bullet-pointed, but how much fun would that be to read? I am not where I want to be yet. I'm not happy with the way that I eat and in the next month will strive to make more changes in that area.
Godspeed to any of you who are attempting to make healthy changes in your own life; Godspeed to you as you bloom.
My Wii fit age, if you will remember from almost 3 weeks ago, was 47. I have since been working out 3 days a week with Wii fit, doing yoga and some aerobics and as of today my Wii fit age is now 37! That means my body is getting stronger, not that I have lost any weight, because I haven't.
Exercising with the Wii has been my most consistent and effective change to date. This is my strong point.
Weakness #1-food. I tend to eat what I want, when I want. Which would be cookies and all the time. Okay, maybe not all cookies all the time, but sometimes it seems like it! I have an insatiable sweet tooth and that is my downfall when it comes to eating.
Weakness #2-meditation/prayer/quiet time. I am finding that the few minutes I may have to myself in the bathroom is where I pause to think, pray, read an inspirational passage, etc. (I emphasize "may have" because days can go by without time alone even in the bathroom. Bobby knocks on the door saying, "Hi. Hi. Mom. Hi." which warms my heart but is counterproductive to quiet time).
I have been doing some reading that I enjoy, usually at night when all my guys are asleep and I am awake (don't know why I can't go right to sleep too!) or for a few minutes on a day off from work. This is just a nice way to relax for a few minutes, to slip into a story and allow imagination to transport me. Yes, I am truly enjoying reading.
The result of all of these efforts and observations have been: some improvement in the quality of the time I spend with those around me-making more effort to be in the moment; becoming more aware of what I am eating and realizing the dire need for a change (my blood sugar has been controlled very well with the new medication, by the way); making the most of any down time to relax or just enjoy 'being'; and really enjoying regular exercise (I feel SO GOOD after yoga!).
So, that is it in a nutshell. The above is most likely packed with run-on sentences and could have been simply bullet-pointed, but how much fun would that be to read? I am not where I want to be yet. I'm not happy with the way that I eat and in the next month will strive to make more changes in that area.
Godspeed to any of you who are attempting to make healthy changes in your own life; Godspeed to you as you bloom.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The Trying Twos or "Trying-To"(s)
Yes, it is that time in the life of our family to welcome the era of the two-year-old. Bobby will be two in about two weeks. We have been, however, experiencing "signs of the times", what some would call the Terrible Twos. I've decided that we will not be referring to this phase as the terrible twos because there is nothing terrible about life with our Bobby. It is, however, trying at times these days, and so I have deemed this season of life the "Trying Twos". Certain behaviors are most certainly trying on the patience and will power of a parent such as I. I believe this name is extremely fitting our thoughts and circumstances at this time.
I wanted to rename this period of life for another reason. I truly believe in the power of the spoken word. Some of the terms and phrases we throw around can be stigmatizing and harmful or at the very least unproductive or not beneficial. As I have tried to be more aware of this journey of life, this process of Blooming, this is one area that has struck a chord with me.
Do you know, I can still remember the first time an adult called me "obnoxious", or some of the names I was called on the playground. In the same token I can remember some of the names I chose for those I didn't care for and first time and adult apologized to me. I have long since left the playground behind me, but the point that these words made enough of an impact to be carried in memory for over a quarter of a century is clear.
So, in light of this consideration, I want to be aware of the words I speak, including silly labels such as Terrible Twos. This can be a challenge as some of the things Bobby has been doing these days makes me wonder what is happening here! Sometimes I want to ask, "what in the world were you thinking?" As a baby this child never picked things up off the ground/floor/etc and put them directly in his mouth. Now at the ripe age of two he has decided this is the time to do that. Tiny stones, pieces of paper bags, two-week old cheerios that rolled beneath the kitchen table...just a few months ago this same child would pick up the tiniest scrap off of the floor, proceed to the garbage can, throw the item away and leave the rest of the garbage undisturbed. I found this to be amazing. This is why I wonder, "what in the world were you thinking?" or "where is my child who threw things away instead of attempting to eat them?"
Another very interesting phenomenon is the struggle with communication. This boy is so smart. He was reading a book today. And I mean, reading the words. "Ball". "Hat". "Hair". Now, he can't say the words clearly yet so if he were to say "hat" without the book in front of him I wouldn't know what he was saying, but with the book there it all makes sense. So, we've established intelligence and I tell you this because I also believe sometimes with intelligence comes a certain level of frustration in other areas not-yet mastered. For Bobby this area would be communicating what he means-he knows what he wants to say but doesn't quite have the words for it all yet. Especially as it pertains to communicating his needs/desires to his parents. In attempts to understand what it is he would like to eat/read/watch/play/etc we go through a little guessing game. We hold up books/products/cans/games/etc in hopes of figuring out just what it is he's trying to tell us. There are some things that are well established in our routine and require little to no guessing. However, for the rest of it if these needs/desires are not ascertained within a minimal amount of time then our boy exhibits feet stomping, crying, and sometimes screaming. Very trying on the patience and the nerves.
In all of this pseudo confusion and clear frustration I know it's important that Bobby understands that there is nothing wrong with him and that together we will work it out. So, I swallow those things I'd like to say (or shout) and simply say, "Son, Son," (I often have to say it more than once to get his attention at this point, "Son. Look at me. Let's figure it out. Do you want cheese? Do you want raisins?" And so the guessing goes. But the important part comes at the beginning. I make sure he sees in my face and hears in my voice and words that we are going to take the time to work it out together.
When I explained this process to a co-worker friend of mine and reiterated to her that it is often hard to keep up with the guessing game or put of with the fits of frustration as I'm trying so hard for my part to figure it out, she said, "very aptly named." (Referring to the Trying Twos) and she went on, "because everyone is trying to, aren't they?" The Trying Twos or the Trying To-s. Absolutely. Props to Maggie for that play on words.
So as my firstborn son continues to bloom we enter this phase with determination to choose, speak and teach words that would create, encourage and inspire. And with love we all keep trying to...
I wanted to rename this period of life for another reason. I truly believe in the power of the spoken word. Some of the terms and phrases we throw around can be stigmatizing and harmful or at the very least unproductive or not beneficial. As I have tried to be more aware of this journey of life, this process of Blooming, this is one area that has struck a chord with me.
Do you know, I can still remember the first time an adult called me "obnoxious", or some of the names I was called on the playground. In the same token I can remember some of the names I chose for those I didn't care for and first time and adult apologized to me. I have long since left the playground behind me, but the point that these words made enough of an impact to be carried in memory for over a quarter of a century is clear.
So, in light of this consideration, I want to be aware of the words I speak, including silly labels such as Terrible Twos. This can be a challenge as some of the things Bobby has been doing these days makes me wonder what is happening here! Sometimes I want to ask, "what in the world were you thinking?" As a baby this child never picked things up off the ground/floor/etc and put them directly in his mouth. Now at the ripe age of two he has decided this is the time to do that. Tiny stones, pieces of paper bags, two-week old cheerios that rolled beneath the kitchen table...just a few months ago this same child would pick up the tiniest scrap off of the floor, proceed to the garbage can, throw the item away and leave the rest of the garbage undisturbed. I found this to be amazing. This is why I wonder, "what in the world were you thinking?" or "where is my child who threw things away instead of attempting to eat them?"
Another very interesting phenomenon is the struggle with communication. This boy is so smart. He was reading a book today. And I mean, reading the words. "Ball". "Hat". "Hair". Now, he can't say the words clearly yet so if he were to say "hat" without the book in front of him I wouldn't know what he was saying, but with the book there it all makes sense. So, we've established intelligence and I tell you this because I also believe sometimes with intelligence comes a certain level of frustration in other areas not-yet mastered. For Bobby this area would be communicating what he means-he knows what he wants to say but doesn't quite have the words for it all yet. Especially as it pertains to communicating his needs/desires to his parents. In attempts to understand what it is he would like to eat/read/watch/play/etc we go through a little guessing game. We hold up books/products/cans/games/etc in hopes of figuring out just what it is he's trying to tell us. There are some things that are well established in our routine and require little to no guessing. However, for the rest of it if these needs/desires are not ascertained within a minimal amount of time then our boy exhibits feet stomping, crying, and sometimes screaming. Very trying on the patience and the nerves.
In all of this pseudo confusion and clear frustration I know it's important that Bobby understands that there is nothing wrong with him and that together we will work it out. So, I swallow those things I'd like to say (or shout) and simply say, "Son, Son," (I often have to say it more than once to get his attention at this point, "Son. Look at me. Let's figure it out. Do you want cheese? Do you want raisins?" And so the guessing goes. But the important part comes at the beginning. I make sure he sees in my face and hears in my voice and words that we are going to take the time to work it out together.
When I explained this process to a co-worker friend of mine and reiterated to her that it is often hard to keep up with the guessing game or put of with the fits of frustration as I'm trying so hard for my part to figure it out, she said, "very aptly named." (Referring to the Trying Twos) and she went on, "because everyone is trying to, aren't they?" The Trying Twos or the Trying To-s. Absolutely. Props to Maggie for that play on words.
So as my firstborn son continues to bloom we enter this phase with determination to choose, speak and teach words that would create, encourage and inspire. And with love we all keep trying to...
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