Thoughts on Being

Before being diagnosed with cancer (the second time) I found that my life was very overwhelming.   Being the wife/mom in a family of 6 holds a lot of demands on time and energy.  Beyond that I also realized that I was putting a lot of demands on myself.  I had very high, often unrealistic expectations of myself to "do it all" and to always be "better".  One can only keep a perfectionistic pace for so long before the mind, body, spirit or all of the above begin to whisper messages to "slow it down" or "take care of me".  If you don't listen to the whispers then there will be consequences.
Somewhere along the way I did hear the whispers but wasn't sure about how to heed them. In June of last year I started working with an amazing nutritionist in my area, Kelli Bonomo.  I knew that for the sake of my blood sugar levels (I was diagnosed with diabetes in 2001 and had never worked with a nutritionist) and my body's wellbeing that this was a very important step.  Working with Kelli for over 6 months really helped me to learn to balance what was on my plate, to learn to fuel my body effectively and to care for it with food.
Through conversations with Kelli and in personal quiet time that I was learning to carve out for myself, I began to realize and contemplate other areas of my life that required attention such as the pressure I was putting on myself and what that was doing to my emotional and spiritual self.  During this time of reflection I realized how caught up I was with "doing" and rarely let myself simply "be".  It was at that point I began to allow myself to be, letting go of the expectations for doing.
The following is the result of this personal discovery:

BE

Grateful

What am I thankful for?

Active

What is my favorite form of movement?

Creative

How do I express myself most positively?

Well-Fed

What are my favorite healthy foods?

Positive

What are my strengths?

Spiritual

How do I pray, meditate, relax?

Restful

How is my quiet time and sleep?

Supportive

Gifts are for giving.

I asked myself these questions over the course of time to consider where I was at with each area of my life.  In acknowledging my state of being I was able to allow what was true of me and my person to come forward.  I didn't have to strive or struggle to change, be better or do more, I simply had to BE; to be genuine and true to who I already was.  I also realized that while there are external demands that others would put upon me coupled with those I put upon myself, but the truth of that matter was giving is an organic part of being as well.  We are each gifted in unique ways.  So I realized if I allowed myself to be who I was designed to be then giving of myself (in the ways that only I can) is simply a natural expression of my being.

This paradigm shift was an amazing part of my growth in the last year.  I revisit it now in the midst of  a situation that could be a war/struggle/fight if I chose to approach it that way.  But as I've said before, I choose to float not fight with this cancer.  I choose to BE.