Weak and Strong in the Deep End

Pete and I were talking in the car on our way to see the surgeon on Thursday afternoon.  We were going over the questions we wanted to ask, what (little) we already knew about breast cancer in general and etc.
"I need to tell you something," I said.
He was ready to listen.
"Depending on how this goes I may go off the deep end.  If I do, just let me dive.  I'll dive down deep but then I'll resurface shortly to get a nice deep breath and be fine after that.  But I need the deep end and I need my time down deep.  If I spend too much time down there, I'll need you to grab me up out of there however you can...I give you permission to shake me or slap my face [like in the movies :p], whatever it takes..."

The visit to the surgeon went as well as a visit to the surgeon goes to discuss treatment options you'd rather not have to decide upon regarding a cancer you'd rather not have, if it were up to you.  As we sat there I had all my questions written out (thank you Val Piazza for prepping me on what to ask!)  The doctor said that clearly I was "integrated" and was of sound mind, not overly emotional, and able to hear what he was saying.  He validated Pete's presence, as it often takes more than one set of ears to take away the full message a doctor is sending in this type of situation.
So Pete and I left there with this information:
The tumor is an invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 2, triple negative.  
Options from a surgical standpoint would be lumpectomy with referral for chemotherapy and radiation or mastectomy with referral for chemotherapy.

For those unfamiliar with breast cancer, as I was for the most part, I'll explain, from my limited knowledge...
The tumor is first identified as ductal or lobular.  Simply put, "ductal" is a cancer that starts in the milk-ducts and "lobular" is a cancer that starts in the milk-producing glands (lobules).
Secondly, the tumor is graded 1, 2 or 3. A tissue sample graded a "1" means that the sample still looks mostly normal, and a grade of "3" means the sample looks mostly abnormal.
Finally they test the sample for "receptors".  A tumor is typically receptive (it grows in response) to the hormones estrogen and progesterone or a protein called human epidural growth factor receptor (Her2/neu).  A very small percentage of breast cancers prove to be a triple negative where the tumor is not found to be receptive to any of the above.  A majority of breast cancers are estrogen and progesterone positive, a small percentage is Her2 positive and an even smaller percentage is found to be triple negative.  While Her2 positive tends to be a more aggressive type of cancer, treatment is more easily targeted lending to better outcomes than in a triple negative tumor.

I didn't take a dive that day.  We both left the office feeling "okay" and truly just thankful for some answers and clarification as to what exactly we are dealing with.  I didn't bother to look over the copy of the report the doctor had given at my request that night.  The next day, however, I poured over it and compared it with my mother's report from a year earlier (different doctor, different type of report).  It was then that I noticed that my report said something different than what the doctor had told us in his office.  I was confused (again) and  texted a picture of the report to Val (thanks again, Val!) for confirmation that I was not reading it wrong.  She confirmed that indeed I was not reading it wrong.  I determined that first thing Monday morning I would be calling the surgeon's office for further clarification.
But I didn't have to wait that long.  He called me on Saturday morning to explain he had been looking over my report and found his error.  He wanted to be certain to correct this information with me.  He also wondered if the second opinion I had scheduled at the University of Chicago at the end of the month could possibly be moved up at all.  I assured him I would look into it.
I had the final word as to the tumor's receptor: Her2 positive.  
That was the doctor's final word on the subject, but ultimately, I know Who has the final word in every aspect of my life, and my trust remains in Him.  Acts 17:28 says, "In Him we live and move and have our being."  

With a couple of days behind me, time to think and rethink, to actually take in and allow myself to feel and connect to all of the information given to me in the past week...  Today was my day to take the dive.  I didn't go off the deep end to leave my family and faith behind, I just needed some time in my bed, under the covers to let it out.  The nervousness, the sadness, the questions...they all were there, down deep.  Pete sat beside me ready with a hug, a nudge, a well-played sarcastic comment and just his presence, silent support.  
I swam around down there a little bit but it didn't take me long to resurface and breath deeply again.  Because even down deep God's presence and promises were there. "And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me...For when I am weak, then am I strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.