Like A Tree

As I was sitting in the waiting room on Tuesday morning (3/24/15) contemplating the port placement procedure I was about to undergo, an overwhelming sense of grief began to overtake me.  The realization of what this surgery means, what was about to begin for me, a trajectory set to a pace that I could not slow down...It was time to go and I wasn't ready.

"I feel like I'm saying goodbye to my body as I've known it," I told Pete.  "Just when I was starting to feel stronger and more at peace with the next phase of my body's life; beginning to truly appreciate the marks from childbirth and happy to move past those years to the next."
We chose to sit in silence, Pete with a quiet but steady hand on my knee.
A metaphor, a visualization came to my mind.  "My body is like a tree marked by the events of time," I thought and wrote it down before they came to take me into the operating room.

As I reflected upon this thought the next day with Pete sitting next to me and the chemotherapy drugs beginning their work inside of me, I shared my thoughts with him about the changes and especially the marks that my body will bear in the coming months.  I reiterated that I thought my body was like a tree marked by the events of time.  When I said it he knew instinctively  that I was referring to the storms, fires, marks of car accidents, chopping, loss of limbs that leave stumps on the side of a tree.  Marks of a lifetime.
Without hesitation he added: "Still standing.  Providing comfort, shade and beauty to the world, soaking up the light of the sun."
I sat silent at his words.  One can't really improve on that statement.  What a generous and wise thing for a husband to say to a wife who is concerned about what chemicals, time, treatment and surgeries will do to her body.  How encouraging, loving and reassuring.  He has said before, "But I get you."  Nothing else matters, no marks or weaknesses or changes.  He gets to be with me and that's his final word on the subject.

Considering my body as a tree, with all it's dents, marks, glory and splendor, reminded me of one of the Scriptures used at the Spiritual retreat Pete and I had just attended.
Jeremiah 17: 7-8 "But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to produce fruit."

Looking at this Scripture once again in the light of the conversations with my husband and the thoughts of the previous days, I was once again encouraged.  Even in the heat, fire, drought, those events of time, a tree planted deep has no fear, no worries and will continue to bear fruit.  So I also realized that even in the midst of my time of trouble, when I'm at my weakest, I remain one who is firmly planted in Faith, Hope, and Trust in the Lord, one who continues to live a fruitful life and that is beautiful.