"Just another hurdle on the road to recovery."
I ran track in high school for one year. It took me two years to get the guts to go out for track, then after running one year I was diagnosed with bone cancer in my left femur and have been unable to run since. I remember back in those days, during practice after a long day at school, we would run until we couldn't run any more. Sitting there huffing and puffing, trying to catch my breath, I would look at the hurdles set up along the outside of the track for the hurdlers to practice. The hurdles were so tall, about up to my chest, and I would think, how in the heck can anyone jump over those? Most of the female hurdlers were no bigger than myself, so I simply could not fathom how they were able to get there legs apart wide enough and foot up high enough to get over the thing. I loved watching them practice though, it was amazing watching legs propel faster than what seemed should be humanly possible, legs stretched almost in a straight line-one ahead, one behind-and up into the air with the hurdler. It almost looked as though they were flying. And they might as well have been as far as I was concerned
Here I am at the edge of my hurdle. The next bit to get through. The next hill to climb. The next thing to overcome. I'm not excited about having surgery. I will say I am excited about the time I will have off afterward, but not thrilled about having drainage tubes on either side of my body for a couple weeks, or the pain of incisions and manipulated muscles and temporary implants. I am looking forward to eliminating a potential threat to my health. And while I'll miss my kids while I'm in the hospital, and then miss playing and wrestling with them for a while after I return home, it will be worth it for the many more days I am hoping I will be able to be in their lives. That's the whole point of this hurdle. To buy more time. While I can't fathom what the next few days are going to bring I am planning on pushing myself, like the hurdlers in practice at Cheboygan Area High School once did, and fly!
"Just another bump in the road of life."
Yes, it is time for yet another one of these. Technically, two bumps, as a coworker's sister so astutely pointed out. (She just had a double mastectomy herself, she's earned the right to joke like that!) I laughed when she said it. If you don't get it, two bumps because both breasts will be surgically removed (mastectomy) and reconstructed. And "two bumps" because this isn't the last of the surgeries. In another several months (maybe about 6) I will be having another surgery to put in the permanent implants. In the meantime, the expanders that will be placed immediately after the mastectomy on Monday will be filled little by little to stretch the chest muscle they will have been placed under. Then once they have been stretched to an appropriate size the surgery for the permanent implants will be scheduled. Beyond that, in another several weeks, after surgical wounds are healed, the detail work of reconstruction will take place to create nipples and areola.
All throughout the reconstruction process I will be receiving Herceptin treatments by IV once every three weeks. Herceptin is the targeted therapy that is used to block the Her2 protein that was feeding the tumor in the first place. The deal with Herceptin is that it effects the heart. And since my heart has already been effected by previous chemotherapy from 1991-92, I have to be followed closely by an Oncology Cardiologist. As has been the case in my care, I was sent (by God and a google search) to a wonderful doctor at the University of Chicago, Dr. DeCara. She was very kind, patient and knowledgeable and seemed interested in my case as well. I'm very thankful to have added her to my team. After each Herceptin treatment I will have an echocardiogram done and she will look it over to be sure the treatment does not do any further or lasting damage to my heart. The positive thing about the effect that Herceptin has on the heart is that the heart typically bounces back after discontinuing the treatment. So, all in all my visit with the Cardiologist was very positive.
My visit with the Cardiologist was positive as was my visit to my GP this week. I didn't actually see the GP (general practitioner) but instead saw his Nurse Practitioner, Liz, who has been on my team for a long time. I was being seen there to be cleared for surgery. And while I have had a cold for about a week now, everything else checked out and I was cleared. Liz did call yesterday to see if the cold was gone yet. As it is not, she ordered some medication for me to start immediately. Although I am tired I must say that the symptoms have reduced even since yesterday morning and I am feeling better. Let's hope Monday's surgery will be a go. I'm nervous that I'll get there and they'll send me home again. If that's the case then surgery will most likely be rescheduled for November. But, I'd rather wait than take any risks just because I want to be done with it. The anticipation is no easy thing to cope with, but I can wait if I must, if that's the safer option.
Now as the day is so close I find myself withdrawing a bit, getting frustrated very easily, and feeling as though there is not enough time in a day to get my tasks done and spend time with my children. Even though I won't be in the hospital for very long I am feeling and acting as though I'll be away for weeks. Perhaps this is because I know my activities will be limited after the surgery, so I've been getting in all the chores, boy-wrestling, baby-lifting, and home-rearranging that I could handle in the last few days. And now it's time to go to sleep and wake up to "the day before". Those days always go quickly. Instead of dwelling on the event to come I think I'll visualize the hurdler, defying gravity, gracefully leaping over something that is almost as tall as they are and totally blowing the minds of on-lookers. Yep. That's what I'll do.
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