Life and Death, Daily

I've been kicking around thoughts about life and death these days.  I say this knowing I run the risk of sounding irreverent or even flippant when the idea of death is introduced.  That's how it is in our society.  Death is a taboo topic.  I will admit I've been afraid to say the word a time or two or to allow myself to think too deeply on the matter because I didn't want to "jinx" myself.  After all, our thoughts effect our lives in very real and lasting ways.  But recently Pete brought a book home to me from the library, Being Mortal by Atul Gawande.  This book, as you might expect given the title, takes a look at how different cultures approach mortality and what impact our views about death have on our lives.  I made it about 3 chapters in before it was due back.  (I was chewing on it, not just breezing through AND I have 4 children and 2 jobs!) What I read floored me.  I had even read the introduction, something I will admit I usually skip.  Atul Gawande is a doctor.  As someone who has both worked in the medical field and been a patient of it, I have seen and experienced it's shortcomings.  Dr. Gawande has too and focuses on some of the dehumanizing practices in the industry.  He also shares his thoughts and experiences regarding the beauty that can be found in caring and being cared for, living and dying.  I think I need to own this book.
Dr. Gawande's words triggered more thoughts about dying for me.  Not the fear that I am going to die, or the idea that I need to prepare myself for a near and untimely death.  But, to try to acknowledge death more openly.  To approach aging, living, dying with a confidence, a strength and dignity.  Death is a very natural part of life.  Perhaps it's easy for me to say that as, after completing chemotherapy treatment, I have received an "all clear" from a PET scan and breast MRI exam.  Yes, good news!  And I thank God!  Yet, even now as I am planning surgery as part of my treatment and prevention, I'm reminded there are no guarantees in this life.  I am given the moment and hope to cherish it, not let it pass me by.
So I allowed myself to contemplate the reality of death being a natural part of life.  One of the interesting things to consider about living and dying is that we carry around death and life in our physical bodies every day.  Our bodies experience different types of cellular death moment by moment.  In the event of an injury the cellular death is of a traumatic nature called necrosis, a result of acute cellular injury.  Apoptosis is a highly regulated form of cellular death, a controlled process that is for the benefit of our life cycle.  Our bodies experience the birth of new cells as well, the rates vary.  (If our cells fail to die regularly as in apoptosis, but instead continue to produce, a tumor is formed.)  Life and death on a cellular level.
I also considered this daily experience of life and death on a spiritual level.  I recalled a verse I had been given by way of encouragement while I was going through my chemotherapy treatments and one I've used during past difficult times: 
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."  
But it was the next verse that really caught my attention this time.  Verse 10:
"We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."
I am no theologian.  (That's my disclaimer).  But it stands to reason that even as Christ died, so also must we all die.  If God's own Son was not exempt from this experience on earth, how then would I imagine to ever be?  Any followed prophet or holy person in our history on this earth has been made subject to it.  For the Apostle Paul writing this passage, it was because of the death and resurrection of Christ that he was intent on dying to himself, putting aside his personal desires and expectations so that the life and message of Christ was what was seen in him.  Dying to self and surrendering whatever would be to the strength and will of the God he served.  
I believe this is the message for me in the midst of all these thoughts of living and dying: choose to live life well, to the fullest, while dying to my own expectations of how long life should be and everything I would want life to be.  This allows me to move graciously forward into an uncharted future; holding all that I have and am with open hands; making precious each and every moment.
Of course I have wishes and a will of my own.  I have expectations and desires for this life. But as I integrate those times and places of frustration and pain, I will grow.  I will find beauty in the pain and pleasure, the living and dying.