In the first dream I knew there was someone in my life who had had a baby that they did not think they would be able to care for and wanted to allow the baby to be adopted. I had such a deep sense of love for this baby and determination that this baby would be a part of our family. I was crying in my dream and stressing that this child was ours. Even though the details hadn't been worked out yet I already knew it would all come together and the baby already WAS part of our family.
Birth in the context of a dream can symbolize a number of things. Of course many pregnant women do dream about their babies before birth. I, however, am not pregnant. Birth can also symbolize something new in life that will cause a great change. Since I consider life precious and every birth a miracle, I am really excited to have a dream such as this and see what miracle or wonder is in store! I've been praying to be open to what God would have for me and would be aware of this new work that He is doing in my life. And I pray that Pete, my partner in all of this life, would also have eyes to see where God is leading and what He is doing in our life and family.
There have been no clear changes as of this moment. But there is ALOT going on in our family right now and this dream of birth has at the very least increased the measure of hope I hold in my heart. It lead me to revisit the Scripture that was my theme verse during my first experience with cancer in 1991-92. I have referenced it before but will reference it again here:
Birth in the context of a dream can symbolize a number of things. Of course many pregnant women do dream about their babies before birth. I, however, am not pregnant. Birth can also symbolize something new in life that will cause a great change. Since I consider life precious and every birth a miracle, I am really excited to have a dream such as this and see what miracle or wonder is in store! I've been praying to be open to what God would have for me and would be aware of this new work that He is doing in my life. And I pray that Pete, my partner in all of this life, would also have eyes to see where God is leading and what He is doing in our life and family.
There have been no clear changes as of this moment. But there is ALOT going on in our family right now and this dream of birth has at the very least increased the measure of hope I hold in my heart. It lead me to revisit the Scripture that was my theme verse during my first experience with cancer in 1991-92. I have referenced it before but will reference it again here:
Jeremiah 29:11
" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord.
'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.
Plans for hope and a future.' "
The second vivid dream I had week has truly touched me to the core. I'd like to give a little back story before sharing this dream. In one of my previous posts "Growing Gracefully and Knowledge of the Mutated Gene" I explained results from one of the genetic tests I've taken since being diagnosed with my second primary cancer in just 22 years. I tested positive for Li Fraumeni, a genetic syndrome that has to do with a mutated cancer-suppressor gene. I am still learning more about it and would encourage you to google it should you be interested in learning more. The long and short of Li Fraumeni is my risks for developing cancers is more than the average person. Sometimes substantially higher. Since learning of this mutated gene it has been an emotional and intellectual roller coaster for me. I've told myself, "this is simply information that will inform the future of my medical treatment and care." Intellectually that makes sense and is true. Emotionally, I've felt as if I'll be chasing my proverbial tail (cancer) for the rest of my life! And since it is genetic, there's a 50/50 chance each of my children may carry the gene and I can't even begin to imagine what that will mean for my family and the future of each of my children. I'm so grateful for my faith that reminds me that I do not hold the future, but I know Who does! Faith does not call for certainty, it calls for hope and trust. It calls for moving forward, one step at a time, regardless of whether or not the next foot hold is in view.
This next dream of mine I'm still praying on, but let me say that I get chills every time I recount it. In my dream I was driving a car (not my mommy mini van!) and it seemed to be indoors for some reason, but there was a sidewalk beside the road. I passed an orange (my favorite color) tricycle on the side walk. I noticed it but didn't think much of it. Then moments later I saw it again further down the road. At that point someone said to me, "Sarah, would you look?!" Obediently, I stopped the car, got out and was looking more closely at the tricycle. The voice instructed again, "Sarah, look!" When I looked up I saw a vehicle further on past the tricycle. It was a black vehicle and I instinctively looked into the back seat. On a leather seat a pretty elderly lady was sitting there and when she saw me she smiled and said, "Sarah, do you understand? Do you know who I am?"
Immediately I began to cry (in my dream and in reality) and nodded my head.
"Yes, I understand," I replied. That old woman was me!
Since being diagnosed with breast cancer in February I've not asked God for reassurance that I will be here to watch my boys grow up or to celebrate a silver anniversary. While I understand the gravity of this cancer diagnosis I have tried not to look too far ahead, as that can be greatly overwhelming. I'm simply hoping to get a good sleep tonight, I don't have the energy to worry about what tomorrow will bring.
I am learning to have more faith for myself but also more faith for others when I pray on their behalf, impatient to see my expectations met. (More on that later.) In my heart it is clear that healing does not always come on this side of heaven. Answers are not always given here on earth. Sometimes God wants us to wait and talk to Him about it in person. So, whether these dreams are direct messages from the God whom I trust or merely thoughts for me to ponder, I choose to put my hope in Him and continue to praise him. I will keep my eyes on Him and will not be shaken. I read this today and it blew me away. I pray this brings encouragement and hope, a refill of faith, to all who read it:
Psalm 16:5-11 NIV
Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
nor will you let your faithful one see decay.
You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
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