I had a difficult appointment at the University of Chicago on February 24th. I left there feeling devastated. It wasn't the experience I had hoped to have and I felt discouraged; as though I may never find the right health care team for me.
I've been in the "information gathering stage" and the "team building stage" for a little bit now. It has been an important process but has begun to weigh on me. A couple days ago I was so wound up and bound up in all the information and frustration that I couldn't see straight. Then, a friend suggested I talk to one of her friends (thank you, Kate!) and it was a God-send. This new friend and I had a long conversation late into the night (thank you, Jori!) and she shared with me about her journey navigating the rocky waters of breast cancer diagnosis, treatment, surgery and the whole nine yards. The similarities between the two of us made the conversation that much more encouraging and informative. I felt so light and even joyous by the end of the conversation. I had a sense of direction! Even Pete commented on how good I sounded when I was able to share with him about the conversation and my thoughts as a result.
At this time I have an appointment scheduled at The Block Center on March 11th and I have a couple other professional individuals I would like to confer with and then will make a final decision regarding a treatment team/plan. I believe I already have this in my mind, but need to have these other conversations for confirmation. As I wait for these final conversations I think about the steps I have already taken since the possibility of cancer even came into being.
My mom arrived at my house on the day that I received "the call" and immediately began to lead me along to make caring for myself a priority right now. This is something I've struggled with in the past and know now more than ever, this needs to change. So while it may seem as though I'm taking a long time to "do something" to deal with this diagnosis, I want you to know I AM doing something.
My focus has been on changing my environment. This involves a number of things. First, I'm changing the environment within my body from a toxic to a balanced one through the use of supplements and a strong nutritional plan. Dr. Wahls has an excellent Ted Talk called "Minding Your Mitochondria" from which I've taken a lot of my ideas for green smoothie ingredients. I've cut out refined sugar and starches/breads. My blood sugar is so well managed now, it's awesome! One of the fringe benefits.
The environment of the mind is constantly "under construction". We, all of us, are ever growing, learning, changing and so that environment is an evolving one. The mind can, however, have consistent overtones of positivity or negativity, anger or peace, faith or doubt. I have been focusing on responding in a positive manner in all situations, managing my anger to remain calm/peaceful and pressing in to my faith to manage the fear and doubt that would threaten to creep in at such a time as this. I'm learning to maintain a positive, healthy environment in my mind.
And finally I'm making changes to my external environment. This effort has lead me to two specific tasks: decluttering and organization. I've always been fairly organized but have been working on becoming more so, especially now as I am juggling doctor's appointments and very soon treatment with two jobs and a family. Organizing my medical records/information has been a worthy project that not only serves to prepare me for upcoming appointments but also has decluttered my living space. In the arena of decluttering I am learning to throw things away, recycle what I can and to donate as much as possible. When there's less to fuss over in my immediate space I am more likely to take a moment to relax.
That is the abbreviated version of what I am doing. I am preparing myself mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually for the long haul in this cancer treatment process. I intend to be a more peaceful, healthier and happier individual period.
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