My Boys

Once the decision had been made to begin chemotherapy treatments I knew something would need to be said to our kids.  I had cut my hair very short before treatment started, thinking this would make it less traumatic for both myself and my boys when the hair actually did fall out.  Bobby, who is 5 years old and our eldest son, was the only one to even notice my hair cut at the time.  Teddy and Sam, both 4, didn't seem to notice the change.  Of course, William at 18 months old, while in tune with my every movement, didn't seem the least bit thrown off by the pixie hairdo.

I sat all of the boys down one day and told them that I would be taking medicine that would make my hair fall out one day.  They asked the usual, "why?"
"Because some medicine just makes your hair fall out," was my simple reply.  Then I made it interesting by adding, "So when my hair starts to fall out would you guys like to use the clippers to shave my head?"  Everyone cheered their support and excitement for such an idea.  And so, the day has arrived.  

My hair actually started falling out a couple of days ago but it was getting really annoying as of today.  For me, my head gets really itchy when the hair starts it's leaving/dying process.  It becomes easy to pull hair straight out.  This evening I gathered my guys together in the bathroom and showed them how easily hair could be pulled out of my head.  I let each of them try it out if they wanted to.  They weren't as eager as I had anticipated.  Sam was the most interested in trying to pull my hair out.  Bobby and Teddy were a little timid about it.  

Next, I bent over a towel and combed out as much of my hair as I could.  I reminisced about the evening in 1991 when I did the same thing in the bathroom of my home in Cheboygan, Michigan.  My hair had been longer then and it was much easier to get a grip on the hair to get it out.  After that process I had ended up looking like a balding middle aged man and got some laughs out of my siblings when I re-enacted Chris Farley's Middle-Aged Man character from Saturday Night Live.  Then my dad took a Bic razor and shaving cream to my head to finish the job.  

When it came time to use the clippers this evening everyone volunteered to be first.  Bobby was the first in line.  I guided his little hand while he held the clippers and made the first sweep down the middle of my head.  He wanted to try it for himself so I let him have a go.  He did a pretty good job of getting a couple rows started.  Sam went next.  He was very serious as he held the clippers and went slowly about his work.  Then there was Teddy.  He was afraid he was going to hurt me and once I assured him he couldn't hurt me, he set about shaving away.  He even laughed a little.  My boys took a couple more turns and then it was Dad's turn.  Pete came in and Bobby took my camera to catch a few shots of Dad finishing up Mom's haircut.  I took the clippers to my own head in the end, just to get the finer or more blonde pieces of hair that my guys may have missed.  All in all it really was a fun family experience and a true bonding time in my estimation.

Afterward Bobby laughed at me and said I look funny without hair, but I know he'll get used to it.  William, who was not present during the shaving (by design because that boy is into everything!), didn't bat an eye when I came into my room to give him a kiss once the deed was done.  I wondered if it might weird him out at all, but, no.

All in all my fellas have been amazing throughout our cancer journey.  We have not used the word "cancer" with them, mostly because that would be too difficult to explain.  I haven't even said "I'm sick" or anything like that.  I told them about the medicine I'm taking (chemo) and they knew after the 1st treatment that I wasn't feeling well.

They were so sweet.  For days after my treatment they would pay special attention to me.  
"Are you feeling better, mom?"  
"Would soup and salad make you feel better?"
"Do you feel better now?"
"What will make you feel better?"
They would ask these questions almost daily.  I would get extra hugs, kisses and pats on the hand, head or back from them.  Boys are so sweet on their moms!  I could sense their love and care for me and it just touched my heart.

The last 5 days have been good ones and I haven't had the extra special treatment.  I'm positive these boys are very in tune to what is happening here and they have journeyed right along with us and have been such amazing supports to this mama.  

Teddy and Sam have a banana every morning.  They like the bananas with the stickers on them, which they call "sticker banana".  As you know not every banana comes with a sticker on it so sometimes this can cause difficulty for us.  
"Here mom,"  Sam would say, offering me the sticker from his banana, "Because I love you."
Heart melts here.
Both Teddy and Sam have been saving their stickers for me, making sure I know they're thinking of me and how much they love me.  I know.  I know.

I am so blessed by these 4 little men.  Bobby with his extra hugs and availability to help.  Teddy with his sense of humor and extra squeezes.  Sam his many kisses and concern for me.  William and his celebration every time I come home or enter the room.  These four boys are love letters from God to me.  Message received (and how!)