Computer Viruses and Marriage Counseling for the Single Person

I have to admit I'm a little thrown off here.  My computer acquired a virus.  I'm not certain WHEN said virus was acquired but my computer has been giving me some trouble for over two weeks now.  For the last two days I have been unable to even "get on".  So, I had to take the poor little thing to the computer hospital today to get fixed.  I'm using Pete's computer and it doesn't have the same feel as mine does.  It's not a bad computer. But, it's not mine.  Know what I mean?
Enough about my computer woes...
How have you been?  I've been very busy but have not neglected the Wii in keeping with my exercise regimen. I've also noticed that when I am not at work I eat better.  While I forgot to eat until later this afternoon today, what I did eat today was pretty good for me.  My dear husband came home and made a tasty steak dinner for my parents and I.  He's quite an amazing man-leaving for work at 5 a.m., working until 5:30 p.m., then home to make dinner...what did I do to deserve such a man?!

I am a medical social worker by day and a marriage counselor by night.  The latter is the role that truly suits me.  I have so much passion for the work and find myself really investing in my couples.  I have hope for each couple; hope that they can deal with what they need to and that their marriage will be better than they ever thought it could be.  As long as everyone is committed to making things better, it will be better.
And here's a bit of free advise for the single reader:  there are things you can do now to build into your future marriage.  The first is decide what kind of spouse you want to be.  One of the biggies for me while I was single (and I was single until I was 32), was the determination NOT to be one of the wives that complained about her spouse.  Complaining about your spouse only serves to deepen any rift in your relationship.  It's disrespectful and destructive.  As I wrote in my last blog, I try to watch my words and choose words that will be constructive and encouraging.  If I have an issue with my husband I go to him.  It's okay to talk with a close friend about issues that are being dealt with, but putting the blame on him and labeling him is destructive.
Secondly, learn to take responsibility.  We all make mistakes/blunders/faux pas.  We are all wrong at times. Own it.  Suck it up.  Pride is destructive.  If we are proud then we are constantly defending that pride.  When two people are on the defensive it's really hard to find common ground, nearly impossible to move forward.  So, learn to own your stuff now.  That will make it much easier to do when you are in the most important relationship of your life.  This has been difficult for me to live out at times.  I'm human, I want to be right!  But  if I know I'm not right, what's the point in defending myself?  I want to stay connected to my spouse and defending a mistake is a waste of everyone's time and energy and counterproductive to connection.  It has a profound impact on me when my husband admits he's wrong (and does so often without me even having to bring it up).  It deepens my respect for him and my trust in him.  It also encourages me to be responsible when I need to be.
And finally, to the single person seeking to meet that special someone: get to know yourself.  In my single years I learned a lot about myself.  I learned that I am a very particular person.  This is not in and of itself a bad thing, but anyone with a roommate knows you don't always get your way in a living situation.  One of the things I did in effort to "bend" was practicing not caring what way the toilet paper was on the holder, over or under, even though I STRONGLY preferred over and yes, was agitated a bit if the paper ended up under.  But it was a simple exercise meant to serve a greater purpose.  I wanted to become more at ease with differing opinions and lifestyles.  Living with roommates and making it an amiable situation is also good "practice".
I also learned a lot about how I give and receive love.  I highly recommend the  book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.  Communication is a biggie in any relationship and understanding how you yourself communicate love will be HUGE in your relationship.  I work with my couples on this 9 times out of 10.  It's often clear that they love each other, they just aren't getting the message.  It was important for me to learn these things about myself and is important for everyone, in my opinion.  It helps to avoid setting unrealistic expectations for your spouse if you understand the way love is communicated by each of you.
And a p.s. on all this talk about being single and seeking a relationship: ENJOY being single.  Five and 1/2 years of marriage and three boys later, I don't remember what it was like to just jump in the car and go to the book store to sip a coffee while browsing the "new in paperback" section.  It sounds dreamy though :)  I wouldn't trade a MINUTE of my married life, but do wish I had allowed myself to savor more of those moments while I was single, even in the midst of that deep desire to share my life with someone.

These are all things that, if you didn't learn while you were single you can start practicing now to improve your marriage.  Practice being respectful and choosing words that would build up your spouse, learn to take responsibility for your part of the problem, learn one other's communication style as it pertains to giving and receiving love.  I am not a perfect person but I do endeavor to be a loving and respectful wife to my husband who I adore.  I try to live these things.
And now, out of respect for Pete and for the love and care of my children, I endeavor to learn to care for myself better.  If exercising, eating better, creating space for quiet time, talking more with God can prolong my life or even enhance my wellness now, then I want to be doing it.  Creating, growing, blooming...


What steps will you take to improve your relationship and enhance your "wellness" now?