Yes, it is that time in the life of our family to welcome the era of the two-year-old. Bobby will be two in about two weeks. We have been, however, experiencing "signs of the times", what some would call the Terrible Twos. I've decided that we will not be referring to this phase as the terrible twos because there is nothing terrible about life with our Bobby. It is, however, trying at times these days, and so I have deemed this season of life the "Trying Twos". Certain behaviors are most certainly trying on the patience and will power of a parent such as I. I believe this name is extremely fitting our thoughts and circumstances at this time.
I wanted to rename this period of life for another reason. I truly believe in the power of the spoken word. Some of the terms and phrases we throw around can be stigmatizing and harmful or at the very least unproductive or not beneficial. As I have tried to be more aware of this journey of life, this process of Blooming, this is one area that has struck a chord with me.
Do you know, I can still remember the first time an adult called me "obnoxious", or some of the names I was called on the playground. In the same token I can remember some of the names I chose for those I didn't care for and first time and adult apologized to me. I have long since left the playground behind me, but the point that these words made enough of an impact to be carried in memory for over a quarter of a century is clear.
So, in light of this consideration, I want to be aware of the words I speak, including silly labels such as Terrible Twos. This can be a challenge as some of the things Bobby has been doing these days makes me wonder what is happening here! Sometimes I want to ask, "what in the world were you thinking?" As a baby this child never picked things up off the ground/floor/etc and put them directly in his mouth. Now at the ripe age of two he has decided this is the time to do that. Tiny stones, pieces of paper bags, two-week old cheerios that rolled beneath the kitchen table...just a few months ago this same child would pick up the tiniest scrap off of the floor, proceed to the garbage can, throw the item away and leave the rest of the garbage undisturbed. I found this to be amazing. This is why I wonder, "what in the world were you thinking?" or "where is my child who threw things away instead of attempting to eat them?"
Another very interesting phenomenon is the struggle with communication. This boy is so smart. He was reading a book today. And I mean, reading the words. "Ball". "Hat". "Hair". Now, he can't say the words clearly yet so if he were to say "hat" without the book in front of him I wouldn't know what he was saying, but with the book there it all makes sense. So, we've established intelligence and I tell you this because I also believe sometimes with intelligence comes a certain level of frustration in other areas not-yet mastered. For Bobby this area would be communicating what he means-he knows what he wants to say but doesn't quite have the words for it all yet. Especially as it pertains to communicating his needs/desires to his parents. In attempts to understand what it is he would like to eat/read/watch/play/etc we go through a little guessing game. We hold up books/products/cans/games/etc in hopes of figuring out just what it is he's trying to tell us. There are some things that are well established in our routine and require little to no guessing. However, for the rest of it if these needs/desires are not ascertained within a minimal amount of time then our boy exhibits feet stomping, crying, and sometimes screaming. Very trying on the patience and the nerves.
In all of this pseudo confusion and clear frustration I know it's important that Bobby understands that there is nothing wrong with him and that together we will work it out. So, I swallow those things I'd like to say (or shout) and simply say, "Son, Son," (I often have to say it more than once to get his attention at this point, "Son. Look at me. Let's figure it out. Do you want cheese? Do you want raisins?" And so the guessing goes. But the important part comes at the beginning. I make sure he sees in my face and hears in my voice and words that we are going to take the time to work it out together.
When I explained this process to a co-worker friend of mine and reiterated to her that it is often hard to keep up with the guessing game or put of with the fits of frustration as I'm trying so hard for my part to figure it out, she said, "very aptly named." (Referring to the Trying Twos) and she went on, "because everyone is trying to, aren't they?" The Trying Twos or the Trying To-s. Absolutely. Props to Maggie for that play on words.
So as my firstborn son continues to bloom we enter this phase with determination to choose, speak and teach words that would create, encourage and inspire. And with love we all keep trying to...
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